Look Up

Next time you are with company and you feel that oh-so-familiar buzz in your pocket, I want you to consider the power of attention and the unwanted consequences that may come to your relationships every time your check your phone.

You receive a text, a notification comes in, and then what's your immediate reaction? Likely to pull out your phone that moment and read it, then maybe respond. Not a big deal, right? Perhaps not, if you're by yourself and the loss of focus doesn't bother you. But when you're spending time with someone, especially one on one, even a brief distraction can send a strong message. And unfortunately, it doesn't matter if it's intentional.

When you are engaged with someone in conversation, your undivided attention says to them "I am enjoying your company" and "I am interested in what you have to say". It makes them feel valued and appreciated, and they are likely to return the same attention to you.

But take that conversation, then imagine that in the middle of your partner's sentence you zone out and start checking your phone. They continue for a second or two before quickly noticing that you're in another world, then sit there wondering if you ever cared what they had to say. If giving your attention is to show you're interested, then checking your phone mid-conversation is to say, "I was enjoying your company, but oh wait...someone is trying to get ahold of me, and I'm going to bet that whatever they have to say is more interesting than you."

I bring this up because I know very well that this is not the intended message. Our smart phones are full of fascinating things, and they do help us live more efficient lives. But I look around and I see the closeness of real-life relationships at risk because of tempting technology that is grossly unsatisfying. I see beautiful real-life moments being muddled by split attention and the need to be two places at once.

So next time you're at dinner with friends and you feel the urge to flip through Facebook or check your email, just take a second to consider what really deserves your attention.

And then if you're not convinced, watch this video: